a thorough self-examination…

*sigh*
here we go again.
it’s October and the class is planning an overnight swimming again. Nakasama naman ako last year (in Bulacan), but for this time, I’m not sure..
Actually, it is just the same old situation as last year, pero ayun, nakasama pa rin ako. Wonder if it will be like that this time.My classmates/barkadas are pushing me to join in the outing.. But i’m really not sure, just  like what i’ve said, because our family is experiencing some financial problems [again]. And i can sense their [my barkada] disappointment about me not going with them..

i just can’t understand it why they feel that way.. well, i do.. and i don’t know how i’ll feel about it. Yeah, i suppose they really want me to be there, I guess i’m that special to them.. maybe.. (hey, i don’t want to assume these things.. if I’m wrong, then fine! - just ignore this then).  I really appreciate it, though sometimes it is too much..

yeah, it’s really nice, but there are times na parang OA na.. to the point na ipopostpone nila yung gagawin nila just because i’m not with them.. i feel bad about it.. giving me that guilty feeling, making me feel that i’m the cause of their disappointments. It’s like their happiness depends on me. Man, that’s not pretty good at all. That responsibility [making other people happy] is too much for me.

what i want to say is don’t force me too much, don’t make me feel guilty… Maybe i’m making a wrong point about this post, but that’s how i feel.

What i really want is for my friends to be happy, even if their happiness means that i’m not a part of it.. i’m really okay with it, and i hope they’re okay with it too.

(Note: this post doesn’t mean that i won’t join the outing at all.. it all depends on the universe ;P let’s just see what’ll happen.. hopefully..)

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Madamot.
Sabi nila madamot daw ako.
sad to say, but i must agree.there are times na nagiging selfish talaga ako, sa lahat ng bagay, and i just don’t know why. Maybe i feel that i’m too deprived of something.. Marerealize ko na lang na nagdadamot na pala ako after the situation itself..

Minsan naman namimis-interpret ako ng iba. Sometimes they think na nagdadamot ako, but the truth is i’m just concern bout them (confused? don’t ask.. basta ganun yun!).. okay, i’ll say it.. i feel that i’m too infectious (that’s just how i feel), and i just want my loveones, my friends, and other people to be safe.. (so stay away).

i don’t know how i’ll change this attitude. i hope that I will gradually change for better.. i hope.. and i know i can.

 

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Maybe some of my friends (esp. some “girl” friends) hate me kapag tumatanggi akong samahan sila somewhere.. Tamad kasi akong tao eh.. Kapag gusto kong umupo, uupo lang ako.. Minsan ayoko talagang maglakad kapag tinatamad ako.. And i can sense that they feel bad when i refuse to go with them..

Am i bad?! yeah, maybe.. maybe that’s not what a gentleman should do.. but i just don’t understand it.. i just don’t understand why people, especially girls, wanted to have someone to be with them while walking.. coz me? i can walk alone, i can go some places alone, i can eat alone, i can buy alone.. [maybe im such a loner, don't you think?]

There is actually a double standard about this issue. if a guy ask a girl to accompany him and the girl refused, that’s okay. But if a girl ask a guy to accompany her and the guy refused, the guy will be tagged as ‘not gentleman’.. twisted ba? but.. i think that is really a double standard.. (everyone has their own free will)

*sigh*.. basta ganun ang pananaw ko.. syempre what if the person is really tired and all that.. you should still respect his/her decision.. again, don’t give the other person that “guilty feeling”.. it’s poisonous..

 

 

2007 birth anniversary!! — 10/13/07

it was a simple day for me.. but it was memorable, and i’ll treasure this first time experience forever.

Finally, i got my biggest dream! I finally met Chico and Delamar in person! Yes, face-to-face! it’s the biggest gift i’ve received for my birthday (actually, wala naman akong nareceive na gift, so it’s the only gift..)

I’m really a big fan of these two DJs, of this tandem. They are simply the best in the whole wide world — no, i mean in the whole universe! Meeting them is such a memorable moment to me. I even had a picture taking with them. They were so nice, Delle is very perky, Chico is a little quiet, still they are really nice..

I also met some of the regular rushers there, and they welcomed me warmly. They are also nice and bubbly, lalo na si Cherry (ge, i won’t call her ate, or use po hehe).. they are nice too.

 

it was indeed a memorable birthday.. i won’t forget that moment.

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now, let me say my heartful thanks to those people who greeted me on my birthday.. THANKS guys!! thanks for remembering that date.
(base sa pagkakasunod ng text nila :P, excluding my family)

1. Adeng (advance yan)
2. Ate Remy (nagdefrost ng ref hehe)
3. Bianca
4. Aysa (lapit na ring tumanda :D)
5. Cherrie (thanking my patience)
6. Camille (madaling araw bumati)
7. Enrico (matipid yung bati, may galit? :P)
8. Leah (who bear w/ me, wala ng tuesday!)
9. Ms. Christine
10. Dennis (naliligaw yata, san daw kame? ahehe)
11. Julie (hindi nkasam sa RX)
12. Francis
13. Erika (mukhang hindi pa sure kung bday ko :D)
14. Jennelyn
15. yung kumanta ng happy bday (jhen, kaw din ba yon?!)
16. Jayson
17. Mabel (late na, at least hindi nakalimot :D)
18. aisha
19. ky2tes
20. frances

-> ang konti lang pala.. haay.. anyway.. dadami din yan someday (sana).
Thanks ulit mga peeps!!! Thanks!!

wish List…

3 days to go and it will be my special day. Despite the fact that i’ve been going through hardships right now, with all the hassles of thesis, making me broke everyday, i’m still looking forward for this. i won’t have a grandeur celebration, and that’s okay with me. I just hope that i’ll get one of these wishes i prepared (yeah, kahit isa lang ok na)..(note: this list extends until christmas day, so it’ll be a month or so for me to wait, and for you, yes you who’s reading this, to prepare hehe..)

 

MY WISH LIST1. To see Chico and Delamar in person (i can’t wait for this one.. yippee.. so excited)
2. To have the albums of these artists: The Fray, Elliot Yamin, Silent Sanctuary, Rihanna, Avril Lavigne, Maroon5, Fall out boy, Good Charlotte, Jesse McCartney, Jojo, Natasha Beddingfield, and The Click Five (kahit pirated ok lang hehe jokes)
3. To upgrade my desktop PC, or better to have a Laptop
4. To have a usb device (1 GB is okay with me)
5. To have a digital camera/mp4 player (yep, you can have it together)
6. To pass the Thesis (there’s nothing you can do about it, oh, just pray for me..)
7. To have a TV.. (i’ve been dealing with no TV for more than 3 months already, and it’s so sad!! i have to wait for my bro’s 13 month pay.. *sigh*)
8. To have a dvd player and watch movies all day long
9. To watch a concert of a foreign artist (for free?)
10. To have a long and peaceful life (not just for me but also to those people who are dear to me)

…hmm.. that’s too short.. oh well. i just hope i’ll achieve even one of these things. i’ll be so happy.

changing the topic. Do you feel the vibe of christmas already?! it’s already the ‘ber’ month.. but to tell you, the christmas air is not there, at least for me. i dont know.. maybe i’m so busy this past few weeks… and there’s a lot of problems to think about. *sigh*

anyways.. i’m a bit afraid for this coming semester.. i’ll be graduating, hopefully, and i’m wishing it’ll all be good.. we’ll have a Nihonggo class next sem, and i don’t know if i’ll do well on that class. i’ll try anyway..

and the fact of looking for a job.. i’m nervous about it.. really nervous. yay. God will guide me, that’s for sure.

That’s it for now.. till next time!