Trends in Funny Text Messages (Jokes) part 2

C. Kanta ng mga batang badingUna kong narinig ang funny message na to nung July or August lang. eto yung klase ng funny message kung saan sinasalin nila sa gay lingo yung mga kantang kinalakihan na natin.. Una kong nabasa yung gay version ng “Nanay - Tatay”.. and after, naglabasan na ang text messages na to:

   “Valer kuberch, kahit jutay. Ang julamantrax donchi ay anek-anek. Tsongkamas at julong, jogarilyas at kipay, tsitaw, jotaw, jutani. jundol, jutola, jupot, jolabastrax, at mega join join pa, jobanos, justasa, tsobuyas, jomatis, jowang at luyax, and around the keme ay fullness ng linga..” — bahay kubo ng mga batang bading

    “Bobokesh ang floweret, jojosok ang reynabelz, chochorva ng cha-cha, chenes eklavush..” — bubuka ang bulaklak ng mga batang bading

    “Heaven, luffa, infairness, in, in, infairness. okray heartness, flowing ang dugesh. Chuging, alive, disappear na you jan..” — langit lupa ng mga batang bading

May iba pang variation ng ganyang type ng funny message, eto yung example:

   *imagine if all straight guys ang talking in gay lingo..

    hunk1: bakit di mu chinuva yung girlalu? Malaki naman ang susey ng lola mo ah
    hunk2: winnie cordero nga sa susey, melani marquez naman ang brainwaves. Wit na

    Jaworski while coaching:
    Keber sa kalaban, just focus. We cannot afford to luz valdez. Getlakin nyo yung last freethrow. Windangin yung mga julaban. Ok! Go for the gold to the highest level mga chorva! Gow lang!

Ayan.. medio nawawala na yung ganyang tipo ng funny message, siguro nauubusan na sila ng itatranslate..

D. Si Inday

Sa ngayon, eto na ang pinakalatest na uso sa funny messages. Dati kasi, kapag may joke tungkol kay Inday (kasambahay), ang banat e yung pagiging bisaya nila. Pero ngayon, iba na! Malalim na ang mga English ni Inday..

    “Amo: Inday, bakit naagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
     Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occured wreaking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
     Amo: (nosebleed)”    “Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart that weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise, and the lips to plucker..” — si inday, gumagawa ng blog sa multiply account nya.

    “Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostiglandis. These substance results to incomplete circulation to the site promoting rednes..” — sagot ni Inday nung tanungin sya ni Sir kung bakit may rashes si jun-jun!

    “Sometimes, people choose to live not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they stay. Living can be a tough act, and its harder when people can’t understand you for doing so..” — sagot ni Inday nang tanungin sya ni Ma’am kung bakit daw lumipat si Angel locsin sa ABS-CBN

    “It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. i can only imagine how you handleschizophrenic kids on this educational institution. revise your policies because it sucks..” — Si Inday kasama si junior sa principal office

    “I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the downpour of rain should have made it easier. This exuberant emotional glue i have for you cannot be  simply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance..” — Si Inday, nageemote sa bintana habang iniisip ang bf nyang si dodong

    “I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifest, extending to that niche where i was given life and growth, that because of austerity i was made separated from..” — si Inday, hindi makatulog dahil nahohomesick

    “Much as i wanted to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent nad malicious information, i want to lift the stigma and alleviate society’s perception of our profession..” — Si Inday, tumatangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay.

———

Ang tanong, ano kaya ang susunod na mauusong funny text messages?..

 

Trends in Funny Text Messages (Jokes) part 1

Kapag nakaunlimited ako, palagi akong nagfoforward ng mga text messages sa mga classmates and dabarkads ko. I give them Love quotes, Inspiring quotes, Friendly quotes, at syempre Funny quotes.Nitong mga nakaraang buwan, napansin ko na nag-iiba-iba ang trends sa Funny Text Messages.  Parang nagkakaroon ng certain theme or topic ang mga jokes in a certain span of time, at daming lumalabas na variations for every theme or topic. Kakaiba to ah, nasabi ko sa sarili ko.

A. Monologue

Matagal-tagal na rin nung nauso ang joke na ito. Monologue. Ito yung tipo ng joke na binibigyan nila ng dialogue yung mga bagay. And apparently, it was really funny and it became a hit!

Eto yung ilang halimbawa (na nasave ko pa sa cp ko):

   “hindi ibig sabihin na pag marami ng labing dumampi sa akin at maraming laway na ang aking natikman ay wala na akong dangal..” — kutsara

    “hindi lahat ng bumabakat, malaswa..” — bilbil

    “Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal!?..”  — gasolina

    “paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sayo?..” — Lego

    “hala! Sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo..” — hipon

    “Pinapaikot mo lang ako Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pa patayin mo na lang ako..” — electric fan

    “Plakaplatik plik plak pak papak pakpik pitik kitikak kaktik kiktiki tikak plak plakakik plak pak papaki pipak..” — watusi

Marami pang ibang examples yan.. nabura ko na nga lang sa inbox ko

B. “nauso tuloy..”

Eto yung tipo ng joke na nagkukwento sa isang sitwasyon, tapos sa huli babanat sya na dahil sa sitwasyon na yon, nauso ang isang bagay. Medio sandali lang tumagal yung ganitong klase ng joke, saka medio konti lang din yung alam kong jokes na ganito ang tema. Nakakaaliw din naman sila. Heto ang ilang halimbawa:

   “Once upon a time, may nakasalubong akong guy, nginitian ko sya, biglang namatay! ayun… since then nagsimula na ang  KILLER SMILE..” — (frm cherrie)

    “Minsan, pumasok ako sa isang kwartong puno ng tao.. tapos umupo ako sa gitna.. at lahat sila nagtinginan sa akin.. ayun.. nauso tuloy ang CENTER OF ATTRACTION..” — (frm jerome, sa cp ni julie)

    “Minsan, nag-usap tayo.. tapos sinabi mo sa akin na cute ka.. ayun.. biglang nauso tuloy ang JOKE..” — (frm julie)

Medio konti lang talaga examples ng mga ganitong joke.. medio mahirap din kasi mag-isip para sa ganitong topic eh, kaya ganun siguro nangyari..

(itutuloy..)

 

Quotes I’ve learned from The Morning Rush

Here are some quotes that I’ve heard in The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar, some are contributed by the listeners, the Rushers as we call ourselves.1.    Absolute power corrupts absolutely
2.    A person of faith does not worry
3.    Love is an emotional investment
4.    Sometimes, the hardest to see is right in front of you
5.    People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones
6.    The person that makes you the happiest hurts you the most
7.    The earth is not ours, we only borrowed it from our children    ** I like this quote
8.    It’s easier to forgive someone because they were wrong than to forgive them because they were right
9.    Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change  ** my favorite quote
10.    It’s never too late to be what you might have been
11.    If you can’t afford it, then you don’t need it
12.    If you don’t have a job, then don’t blow it   ** this one is not serious hehe
13.    No amount of success can compensate the value of failure at home
14.    History is made up of people who broke the rule
15.    Don’t be so humble, you’re not that great   ** a very bitchy quote hehe
16.    Be careful on the toes you stepped on today because they might be connected to the butt you’ll be kissing tomorrow
17.    Feeling bad never change anything
18.    Always never use the words ‘always’ and ‘never’
19.    Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
20.    Who gossips to you will gossip about you
21.    You can’t control everything, but you can control how you’ll react to them
22.    Do not blame what you permit
23.    It’s not the applause of the audience that matters to the orchestra, the approval of the conductor is what matters to them
24.    Live simply so others could simply live
25.    If you don’t ask, the answer will always be NO
26.    Live life one day at a time
27.    You can’t unscramble a scrambled egg
28.    You can’t always blame yourself.  Blame yourself once, and then move on
29.    If you wake up breathing, congrats!  You have another chance
30.    If you tell a lie, don’t believe it deceives only the other person
31.    You’ll never met the ‘perfect’ mate - just accept the one whose faults you can tolerate most
32.    If you’re too open minded, your brain will fall out
33.    I can only please one person a day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow doesn’t look good either
34.    Heaven won’t have me and Hell would be too afraid that I’ll take over
35.    To whom much is given, much is expected
36.    By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail
37.    You shouldn’t need a reason to help people
38.    Love at first sight is often right with a second look
39.    If you can’t be good, then be careful
40.    Flirtation is an intention without intention
41.    To err is human, to blame it to others is politics
42.    Treat everyday as the last day
43.    You made your own bed, now lie on it
44.    Hope for the best, expect for the worst
45.    Guys are the head on everything, Girls are the neck that turns the head